I am spending my child support on dildos
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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