we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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