So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize