Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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