Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
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Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize