My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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