pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
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I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
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There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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