So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize