I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
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I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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