True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
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I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
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Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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