It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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