I want to have your abortion
I can text with my tongue
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Everclear isn't food dammit
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize