meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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