I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
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He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
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Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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