I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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