You really coming over, don't trick.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
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We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
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I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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