Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize