Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
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Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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