I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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