There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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