yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
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He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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