Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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