Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
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i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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