Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize