just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
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btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
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