like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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