just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
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Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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