It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
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