And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
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How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
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No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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