Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize