im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
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it glows. i had to have it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
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Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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