so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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