wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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