A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
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I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
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Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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