Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize