I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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