you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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