In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize