Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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