I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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