did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize