If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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