On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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