So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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