i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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