When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize