I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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