saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
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he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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