well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
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Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
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I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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