felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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